i dont have the energy to update
vent sorry
im in love with elle and have been for a real long time maybe everyone could already figure that out
i visited her i love her so much did you guys know she was my reason to live for a long while too? of course i didnt tell her that though because i know its a burden to be someones only reason of living.
i hate this. may 28th of 2022 she got a boyfriend. we were just talking about getting married getting engaged i was planning on buying her a ring even though were 15 and just kids ive known and loved her for a third of my life.
july 28 i visit her and throughout the trip i have to watch her kiss and hug her boyfriend and i didnt even get to hug her much because shes been cuddling him the entire time holding hands sleeping together everything i wanted to do with her. i did a decent job at not crying though.
i know i cant expect anyone to love me or take these promises seriously it just hurts we were planning to move in together and i was going to love her no matter how much she changes or how different she would be because shes elle i love elle ive loved elle for 4 years ive loved her the most even with how much a person changes growing up i love her even if she stops loving me
she likes those sayings where its like "loving someone is knowing them"
i know so much about her. i know more than she does herself, she told me. she used to tell me other things too she used to say i was her best friend, i was most important to her, that she would get so bored without me. its her boyfriend now, who gets all of that. she used to say she wanted me to show up to her doorstep with a bouquet of flowers for her and introduce myself to her mother like a cheesy trope where a boy is picking up the girl he loves for prom.
and then she went to prom with her boyfriend
i hate admitting this how much i hate everything i hate this i hate her boyfriend i hate that hes nice and i hate it all
i dont tell her that though because her happiness is most important to me. and i cant do anything but watch.
i know so much about her she says loving is knowing someone. does she know how much i love her? does she know how much id do for her? does she know that i still love her no matter what does she know how i left to the river during our sleepover because she was cuddling caden and i couldnt take it anymore i left and i got 12 mosquito bites but that was better than being awake right next to them
her favorite color was yellow in the late summer of 2018. her voice does a little thing where it goes higher pitched than usual and then drops at the end when she says "thank you", but its not as prominent when shes worried and says thank you. she had to learn that saying thank you just made people happier and didnt understand before. when she is worried she goes quieter. she used to say i was the one who was scarily good at noticing when she was feeling bad or odd or worried. and i still am i notice every time and i know every time but im not the one she seeks comfort from anymore.
i know her twin sibling ate the rock candy she was going to send me for my birthday in 2021. i know her favorite side is left and her favorite direction is east and she loves blu raspberry flavor and likes lemon and she likes all sour candy flavors in general. she doesnt like cherry flavor and her favorite boba drink order was a strawberry drink with passion fruit popping boba and the cotton candy drink with blue raspberry popping boba. her starbucks order is a chai tea latte with brown sugar syrup and cinnamon powder and oat milk. her subway order is italian bread with tuna and lettuce. she likes those freeze-dried mango marshmallows and she drinks acidic smoothies until she gets stomachaches (and continues to drink them sometimes too). she gets in hot tubs even though she often gets hives when she does and she likes thick fabric hoodies/clothing since thin fabric ones are uncomfortable.
shes born at 4:35 in the afternoon in the town next to the one she lives in right now. my first memory of her cussing was when we were 13 and she typed bitch over discord after years of not cussing at all but then we later learned she said bastard a lot to her babysitter as a small child and it was real funny.
she hates vegetables and she hates melted cheese because of the texture taste and everything but shes fine with other cheese. her eyes are hazel (a medium brown ring on the inside with a green-hazel on the outside) and it used to be that she would spam her story when she was bored in times i was busy. she dressed up as teletubbies with her friends for halloween in 2019 and i got a matching teletubby mask and she dressed up as misa amane from death note for halloween of 2021 before those friends stopped being friends. i was there for that too i know about her
she tends to bounce her right leg more than her left and she likes to tilt her head just a little bit when she poses for photos
what i dont know is if she knows how much i love her how much i have loved her how long i have loved her and how i will continue to love her (for forever) i dont know if she knows i love her in a different way from how she loves me.